As you may remember, I have suggested this for a motto: “Eschew expectations.”
Well, I recently learned something more about expectations than that they are “planned disappointment.” Expectations make a situation be all about me.
If I have expectations about a situation or a relationship, then I make that situation or relationship be about me and my expectations. Blindered by expectations, I go into the situation with a closed heart and a closed mind. I go in without curiosity. All I am able to see is my expectations and whether or not they are met. I am unable to see what truly is. I am unavailable to the present time truth. The other person/s are mere means to the end I expect.
One thing I have gleaned from this realization is that expectations have to do with my history; they are not really about the situation I have imposed them upon. My expectations make me unavailable to the present time truth; I am beholden to the past. And the past does not, indeed cannot, translate to the present.
Beyond getting in the way, expectations are poisonous.
The antidote to the poison? Self awareness. When I realize that I am imposing expectations on a situation or person (including upon myself), I can release them. I can open my heart and open my mind; I can become curious; I can allow myself to be who I am; and I can allow others to be who they are; I can appreciate; I can love.